What is Sexual Mastery
Within our world exist many people who enjoy the use of
objects which are generally thought of as "implements of pain" ( such
as whips, floggers, crops, canes, ect) in their sexual play with
consenting partners. The general term for such sexual play is
sadomasochism. However, the term is not necessarily correctly applied.
A man or woman who uses implements of pain, is not necessarily a sadist
(one who practices sadism). Likewise, a man or woman who enjoys being
the recipient of activities during sex
that incorporates the usage of implements of pain is may not enjoy pain
or be aroused by pain. Whipping, flogging, spanking, ect can be done in
a
controlled manner that does not produce pain (suffering and distress).
Sadomasochism is defined as sexual pleasure related to both
sadism (sexual pleasure derived from inflicting mental or physical pain
on others) and masochism (deriving sexual pleasure from pain).
We are among those people who enjoy sexual play that
incorporates the use of implements of pain. However, we do not use the
term sadomasochism for the letters s and m in the abbreviation BDSM
simply because our sexual relationship is not one of pain (feelings of
suffering and distress) but one of mutual pleasure. Furthermore, the
definition conjures up images that render a false picture of the
dynamics of our relationship. While we
do incorporate the use of whips floggers, crops, and other implements
of
"pain" in our lovemaking, the focus of our play is Sensual Play. On the
occasion
that pain is inflicted, it is for training or correction purposes.
Nonetheless, being folks who like labels, when correctly
applied, (a label incorrectly applied is a false judgement. An
incorrect label claimed is a lie), we wanted to find one that fit us.
As we researched alternative sexuality, we did not come across any
terminology that described and defined our kink. Although we did come
across the terms Sexual Magic and Sensual Magic, ("Different Loving",
"Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns" and "The Art of Sexual Magic") we
found no hard and fast definition for these terms and felt the words
used were too vague and therefore, did not,
on impact, sum up the dynamics of a sexual power exchange relationship.
Also, they were sometimes associated with the occult and New Age
philosophy. While other terminology such as erotic power exchange and
sensual play defined our sexual kink, they did not fit in with the BDSM
abbreviation. Because we wanted to provide a web site for other
Christians who, like us, enjoy a
different kind of loving, we felt it best to use the BDSM abbreviation,
as
it is a common starting point of people who enjoy erotic power exchange
and
are looking for information and support. So, through self analysis,
soul searching,
and prayer, we came up with a definition and description that fit our
different
kind of loving. Hence the term, Sexual Mastery.
The purpose of this definition and description is not to
define or to describe the how's and why's of all those within the BDSM
community, or to provide the "one and only true" way of erotic power
exchange
relationships, nor is it to redefine sadomasochism. The purpose of the
definition is to define us, what we like and why we like it.
Sexual Mastery is a relationship of erotic power exchange
that consist of consensual sex play in which one partner is dominant
and
the other partner is submissive. The relationship is one of mutual
love,
trust and respect. Sexual Play is (in Sexual Mastery) is not motivated
by a desire to hurt or to be hurt either physically or psychologically.
The creed of safe, sane and consensual is adhered to. Sexual play may
incorporate the use of implements of pain for the purpose of Sensual
Play, training
(teaching) the submissive in behaviors that bring the dominant pleasure
and
eliminating those which are not pleasing to the dominant, or to
emphasize
the mastery (control) of the dominant and submission of the sub.
Sexual Mastery differs from sadomasochism in that sexual
arousal for the dominant is not derived from inflicting pain. While the
dominant may incorporate activities that cause pain and may find
pleasure in the resulting behavior of the submissive, sexual arousal is
not derived from the infliction of pain. In Sexual Mastery, the source
of the dominant's pleasure and sexual arousal is derived from
controlling and possessing the submissive. The dominant also finds
pleasure in, and is aroused by, the submission and complete trust given
to him as well as the pleasure and sexual arousal his "mastery" brings
to the submissive. This is the primary source of pleasure and arousal
for the dominant. If the submissive is not enjoying the experience and
becoming aroused by it, the dominant will not become aroused and will
not find the experience pleasurable.
Submission in Sexual Mastery is motivated by the desire to
serve and please the dominant as a display of love, respect and esteem.
Sexual arousal is derived from many factors which may include:
belonging to someone, being under the authority of another, submission
to and the fulfillment of, the desires (sexual and non-sexual) of
another , acts of serving and pleasing the dominant, and the sexual
arousal of the dominant. Additional factors that contribute to the
submissive's enjoyment of the relationship also include: the feeling of
being loved, cherished and cared for by the dominant, praise and
appreciation for, and of, the sub's submission and
acts of service and respect, as well as an understanding of the need
and desire to serve and please.
