The Husband /Wife
relationship
The Husband /Wife relationship: A Biblical Perspective
Within the D/s lifestyle, some couples will define their relationship
as being one of master/slave while others use the master/submissive
definition. The point of focus for this topic is to examine these
relationship definitions and the Scriptures for the purposes of
determining whether or not their usage is contrary to Biblical
teachings. If not contrary to Scripture, we
can then reconcile the practice as acceptable behavior for Christian
living.
Master/slave
Some D/s lifestyler’s define the relationship between Dom and sub a
master/slave relationship. To define husband/wife relationship in a
Christian
marriage as one of master/slave is a misinterpretation of the
Scriptures.
While similarities exist, Scripture clearly distinguishes between the
two
relationships. Scripture references that provide teaching on the
husbands
leadership and the wife’s submission do not validate a master/slave
relationship
between husband and wife. For this reasons, a D/s relationship that
takes
a perspective of a master/slave relationship in defining the
relationship
between the husband and wife cannot be reconciled as being Biblical
D/s.
Reasons for this are as follows:
- In marriage, the husband and wife become one flesh. This
*one flesh* relationship identifies a man's wife as being his life
partner and constant companion. As such, she shares and experiences all
aspects of life with
her husband. She is bone of his bone, flesh of his flesh. The
relationship
is one of deep intimacy and mutual dependency. This cannot be said of
the
master/slave relationship.
- In a master/slave relationship, a master is free to
sell, trade or free the slave. Further, the slave had the option of
being freed in the seventh year of service (or was freed after his debt
was paid). It may or may not be a permanent relationship. This is not
true for marriage relationship. Scripture clearly states that the wife
is bound to her husband for as long as he lives and that he (husband)
is not to rid himself (divorce) of her. The husband and wife
relationship, from the very beginning, was
meant to be life long. To be separated one from the other would be to
loose
a part of ones self.
- Although the OT law did allow a man to take female
slaves and lawfully engage in a sexual relationship, to do so changed
her status from a slave to a concubine and she was then considered a
secondary wife and was given legal rights and protection under the law
that were not held by slaves. Even this position is not supported by
Scripture as being the status
of a first wife as concubines could be released or obtain their
freedom.
- In 1 Corinthians 7:21 Paul exhorts believers who
are servants (translated from the Greek douloo meaning slave) to secure
their freedom. Never in Scripture do we see a passage that encourages a
wife to seek freedom from her husband. To do so would be sin.
- In 1 Corinthians 7:23 Paul admonishes believers
NOT to be servants (slaves) of men. While Paul states in Scripture his
belief that it is better for men not to marry, he does not forbid
marriage and exhorts that marriage not be forbidden.
- The destinations between, and separate references to,
a *wife* and a *slave* make it clear that the two are not synonymous.
Master/sub
Another perspective of the Dom/sub relationship is that of
master/submissive or lord/submissive. This perspective is supported by
Scripture and is, therefore, acceptable practice within the Christian
D/s lifestyle.
As with many words in the English vocabulary, the words
master and lord have several definitions. Definitions that pertain to
Biblical
D/s include:
Master/Lord: (noun definitions)
1) One having authority over another
2) The male head of household
3) Husband
Scripture Reference validating the husband as
master/lord:
1 Peter 3:1 and 6
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any
obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the
conversation of the wives;
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are,
as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement
The Amplified version provides clarification of this verse
In like manner you married women, be submissive to your own husbands -
subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and
adapt yourselves to them. So that even if any do not obey the Word of
God they may be won over not by discussion but by the {godly} lives of
their
wives.
It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham (following his guidance and
acknowledging his headship over her by) calling him lord - master,
leader, authority.
And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing
terrify
you - not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve
you.
Lord: taken from the Greek kurios meaning supreme in
authority, ie controller by implication* Mr. (as a respectful title): -
God, Lord, master, Sir
(*by implication: something used (in this case the title
lord) to show (define, establish) the relationship of
Genesis 18: 12
Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old
shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?
Lord: from the Hebrew adorn from an unused root (meaning to
rule); sovereign, i.e. controller (human or divine) : - lord, master,
owner (owner: {applicable definition }to have power over: control {not
used here to mean as in ownership of property i.e. slave})
submissive:
An individual who submits to the authority and control
(leadership, guidance, rule) of another.
The condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant.
1 Peter 3:1 and 6
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if
any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the
conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose
adown (short: adon) let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the
hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it
be
the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of
great
price.
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose daughters ye are,
as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement
The Christian wife who takes on the role and nature of a
submissive woman is clearly, by Biblical command, fulfilling Scriptural
imperatives that define God's will and desire for her role in the
marital relationship and her behavior towards her husband.
(*Note: This is not to say that the Christian wife is in a
position of "silent submission" or is to obey her husband without the
having the
opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings in any given situation
or issue. Further, it is not to imply that everything in the
relationship
"goes" the husbands way. To take this view of submission violates the
rights
given to the wife by God and God's command for the husband to love his
wife.
Both of these subjects will be the topic of later postings.)
TITLES OF ADDRESS: Master, Lord, and Sir
It is common practice for a submissive to address her husband (Dom)
as master or lord. We see no conflict with Scripture for a wife to do
so. In fact, we find it a practiced to be encouraged within the
Scriptures. Consider the following:
Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord; whose
daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any
amazement
Sarah was chosen to be the mother of Isaac, the father of
the nation of Israel, God’s chosen people. Though imperfect, as all
Christians are, she is described as being a woman of godly character.
She worshipped and honored God. Yet she found no conflict in calling
her husband lord. She also found no conflict between her reverence to
God and her relationship to Abraham as her lord/master. She was
obedient to her husbands authority and sought his leadership in all
matters.* Of all women whose lives are recorded in Scripture, it is her
example of obedience and reverence to her husband that the Christian
wife is admonished to follow.
Furthermore, the Scripture is filled with teachings on
humility. Address one’s husband as master is an act that expresses
great humility. Humility is of great value in the eyes of God and the
humble are given many promises.
For the Christian submissive, the act of addressing her
husband as master, sir, or lord is a term of endearment and an
expression of the love, esteem, reverence and respect she feels for
him. For her, it is not contrary to her worship of God. Rather, it is
the fulfillment of God’s desire that she honor and respect her husband.
It is by no means demeaning. It
is an act of love that yields a bountiful harvest of returned love,
admiration, affection and respect.
