The Christian FemDomme
by Lady Hellion

(Note from Sir Gardener: While I realize the issue of female dominant/male submissive  relationships is a hotly debated one in the Christian BDSM community, I feel that Lady Hellion has given a well thought out and Biblically based  approach to this type of relationship.)
Are you female and believe you are dominant? Then you've found the right place. Do you want to know how this meshes with the Christian faith?  Please continue reading. First though, I need to ask what brings you to the idea that you might be dominant. I have to ask this because I've found that in the BDSM community there are people who are dominant for many reasons and not all of them are good.

Do you feel that to be safe with a man you must be in control of the situation at all times?
Do you feel angry with men, perhaps due to a man who didn't treat you right?  Are you someone who is self-assured, loves yourself, doesn't feel anger or discomfort with men, and does like men?

The first two are examples of reasons that being dominant may be a safety net for you rather then a predisposition.  Unfortunately, when people come to BDSM with such issues, people can get hurt or taken advantage of in a bad way.  Its not saying you aren't dominant… it is saying that to be a safe and sane dominant you need to work through those issues so that when your husband submits to you, you will be able to be a loving dominant and not a dominant who is out to get revenge for something someone else has done.  Please know yourself and work through issues you may have so that you and your husband can thoroughly enjoy this in a safe, sane, consensual, and loving way.

Ok, so you've looked into yourself to make sure that you are coming at this from the right angle.  Now you want to know how on earth can you fit being a female dominant with being a Christian. First off, be thankful for the way God made you. Don't allow people who may be very traditional make you feel bad because you aren't a meek mild submissive.  Accept that its ok if they don't understand.  Many won't understand how you can reconcile being a FemDomme with being a Christian. As long as you are right with God and not disobeying Him, you are ok.

The beauty of the relationship between a husband and wife, who are following the Biblical model, is that it glorifies God.  Its not just because they are obeying His word (though they certainly are) but because the watching world will see in them a picture of God’s love for us - all of us, and the extravagant beauty of his love for His Church. This is a beauty that is uniquely expressed between the two of them, much as the beauty that can be seen watching a couple dance together. When such a marriage is working in harmony, it will be an evangelistic message with an irresistible pull to the watching world.

Look at Ephesians 5:21.  It states, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submission in this passage is not the same as submission in Ephesians 5:22 which sets up a spiritual headship. Verse 22 states, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.”  If you will look at the two verses very carefully, you will see a distinctly different way in which it is worded. Verse 21 states “out of reverence for Christ.” Verse 22 states “as to the Lord.”  In verse 21, we are called to submit to our brothers and sisters out of our love for Christ, raising them above ourselves and seeking to serve them and meet their needs.  Whereas, verse 22 calls the wife to submit to her husband as a spiritual head, acknowledging and respecting his authority.  It is the couple’s submission to one another, as in  verse 21, that makes the marriage so beautiful.  As they each seek to out-serve one another and meet their mate’s needs, we see Christ’s sacrificial love at work. We see God’s plan beautifully in action.  It becomes a living testament to who God is.

However, this in NO WAY seems to say that a husband should never submit to his wife. The husband is not exempt from the submission to one another in Ephesians 5:21. This is a spiritual headship. Although we in the BDSM community may take many of our relationships more to a master/slave level, God is not speaking about BDSM here. He’s not saying you can't do that,  but he’s not saying it must be that either. He’s giving spiritual authority to the husband. When God gives authority to an individual, He always gives it so that a person or group of people can be better served.

Ok… so having said all of this, I do believe that you can be Christian and be a female and be dominant. One reason is because you are not taking the spiritual headship away from your spouse. You aren't going to say Honey, we will no longer go to XYZ church but instead we are going to worship pansies in the cellar by the pale moonlight. You aren't going to take over the family devotions. You aren't going to blab about the fight you had last night with your beloved to your neighbors or people at church. You aren't going to berate him in front of others. You aren't going to undermine his authority with the children. You wouldn't do this because you know you should show your husband love, respect, and reverence as the Bible says. You know you should submit to his spiritual headship. But if in other ways you are in control-ways that you both enjoy-there is nothing wrong with this.  His body is for your enjoyment. Your body is for his enjoyment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying each other and you being the one in control. You’re going to treat him with love and respect. This in no way conflicts with him being that spiritual leader he is called to be.

The last thing I want to address is the issue of saying your husband or potential husband MUST be into BDSM and MUST be submissive or he can't possibly be God’s will for you. BDSM is a perk. It isn't a requirement. It also may be something he doesn't understand yet but may come to enjoy later. A requirement is that he be Christian. It’s also a good requirement that he be at about the same level of spiritual maturity… so that you are equally yoked.  But… don't reject a wonderful gift God may be giving to you because at this point in time he has no interest in BDSM. Perhaps before you can both enjoy it, God needs to do other work first on one or both of you. You don't know. You will need to pray and seek God’s direction about this man.


© 2004 by Lady Hellion-All Rights Reserved except BDSM symbol ©1995 by Quagmyr@aol.com